Sorry Mom.

 

This is the story of my mother who suffered in silence and bore all the pain and for the “better future” of her children. Mom, this blog is dedicated to you. You are still the miracle, the sensation, the amazing magic and the love of my life. Writing this blog is making me cry but the fact that my mom has suffered for this “better future” of mine is nothing better than missing her every single day of my life. How exactly am I benefitted from this “better future” without you in it?

          My mother, a daughter, a sister, and a wife, and a good neighbor. I never spoke of what happened to her, what she had been through. It was the second attempt of suicidal murder that took her away from her children, her parents, her siblings and her friends and mates. She was brave. She was not a coward until she had that thought which made her think that her children would be better without her. What led her to that life taking thought of hers? The thought  of our future which was in the hands of both my parents. Well here comes the story of my father. He was an alcoholic and a chain-smoker who used to consume alcohol in excess and then beat up his wife. My mother, who could not imagine the future of us being grown up in the hands of our father, tried to kill herself two times. She was sure enough that my grandparents, my aunt and uncle would never let that monster come near us. She strongly believed in them.

          The saying that “one does not know the value of a person until  he/she is not around” hits me so hard that when my mother was still around me laughing and playing with me on those sunny days as I would recall, at that age I was not old enough to understand that her absence would affect me this much. I was just a boy then, like all others. My mother guided through the worst times of mine, she is the hope in a scary hopeless night. She is the moon of my life. She is my motivation. She is the God’s blessing in my life but I don’t know why he took her away from my life for the mistake that I haven’t committed. I would say that she was brave but her bravery was not enough to fight her husband against the ill treatment of hers. She surely was not a coward.

          There are a lot of mothers, sisters, daughters in our country, in the whole world who face this kind of domestic violence in their daily lives. It is not sure that each and everyone of them are brave enough to fight against such treatment. But if my mother had such a courage to fight against her husband, today my story would have been different, beautiful with my mother in it.

          There was this incident that took place in my past. I was 7 years then. One day I had fever when I was at my school. I was asked to provide my parents mobile number at the reception of our school, so that they would inform my parents about my health condition and take me hospital. My aunt’s mobile number was a fancy number. So I was excited to give my aunt’s number. When informed about my health condition, my aunt rushed to school and took me to their house. Later that evening when I was dropped at my house by my uncle, my mother came to know the whole story. But she didn’t understand why I called my aunt. My poor mother felt so bad. She then asked me whether I love her or not. I didn’t understand why she was asking that question. She asked again whether I love her or my aunt. Then I came to understand what made her ask such a question. I explained the reason for giving my aunt’s number instead of hers. Later when I asked the same question to my mom if she loved me or not, she replied “Son, I love you so much. I will never leave you. If any such day comes, when I have to leave you it will only be my death”.

          Remember that promise mom, that you would never leave me except for your death, I want you to break that promise. I want you to break your death to come stay with me. I want you to see what have I become today and what will I become in the upcoming days. Its just a bloody death right. It can not part us right. Sorry mom, it was my mistake for letting you go.