Sorry Mom.
This is the story of my mother who suffered in silence and
bore all the pain and for the “better future” of her
children. Mom, this blog is dedicated to you. You are still the miracle, the
sensation, the amazing magic and the love of my life. Writing this blog is
making me cry but the fact that my mom has suffered for this “better future” of
mine is nothing better than missing her every single day of my life. How
exactly am I benefitted from this “better future” without you in it?
My mother, a
daughter, a sister, and a wife, and a good neighbor. I never spoke of what
happened to her, what she had been through. It was the second attempt of
suicidal murder that took her away from her children, her parents, her siblings
and her friends and mates. She was brave. She was not a coward until she had
that thought which made her think that her children would be better without
her. What led her to that life taking thought of hers? The thought of our future which was in the hands of both
my parents. Well here comes the story of my father. He was an alcoholic and a
chain-smoker who used to consume alcohol in excess and then beat up his wife.
My mother, who could not imagine the future of us being grown up in the hands
of our father, tried to kill herself two times. She was sure enough that my
grandparents, my aunt and uncle would never let that monster come near us. She
strongly believed in them.
The saying
that “one does not know the value of a person until he/she is not around” hits me so hard that
when my mother was still around me laughing and playing with me on those sunny
days as I would recall, at that age I was not old enough to understand that her
absence would affect me this much. I was just a boy then, like all others. My
mother guided through the worst times of mine, she is the hope in a scary
hopeless night. She is the moon of my life. She is my motivation. She is the God’s
blessing in my life but I don’t know why he took her away from my life for the
mistake that I haven’t committed. I would say that she was brave but her
bravery was not enough to fight her husband against the ill treatment of hers.
She surely was not a coward.
There are a
lot of mothers, sisters, daughters in our country, in the whole world who face
this kind of domestic violence in their daily lives. It is not sure that each
and everyone of them are brave enough to fight against such treatment. But if my
mother had such a courage to fight against her husband, today my story would
have been different, beautiful with my mother in it.
There was this
incident that took place in my past. I was 7 years then. One day I had fever
when I was at my school. I was asked to provide my parents mobile number at the
reception of our school, so that they would inform my parents about my health
condition and take me hospital. My aunt’s mobile number was a fancy number. So
I was excited to give my aunt’s number. When informed about my health
condition, my aunt rushed to school and took me to their house. Later that
evening when I was dropped at my house by my uncle, my mother came to know the
whole story. But she didn’t understand why I called my aunt. My poor mother felt
so bad. She then asked me whether I love her or not. I didn’t understand why
she was asking that question. She asked again whether I love her or my aunt.
Then I came to understand what made her ask such a question. I explained the
reason for giving my aunt’s number instead of hers. Later when I asked the same
question to my mom if she loved me or not, she replied “Son, I love you so
much. I will never leave you. If any such day comes, when I have to leave you it
will only be my death”.
Remember that
promise mom, that you would never leave me except for your death, I want you to
break that promise. I want you to break your death to come stay with me. I want
you to see what have I become today and what will I become in the upcoming
days. Its just a bloody death right. It can not part us right. Sorry mom, it
was my mistake for letting you go.
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